My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say, "Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."
--Morey Amsterdam
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
--Lewis Grizzard
The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them says to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets!"
--Dave Starr
He that lieth down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.
--Ben Franklin
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
--Josh Billings
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
--Phillis Diller
I like driving around with my two dogs, especially on the freeways. I make them wear little hats so I can use the car-pool lanes.
--Monica Piper
A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
--Josh Billings
Dogs are lousy poker players. When the get a good hand they wag their tails.
Dumb dog. I bought a dog whistle. He won’t use it.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
--Ogden Nash
I know that dogs are pack animals, but it is difficult to imagine a pack of standard poodles...and if there was such a thing as a pack of standard poodles, where would they rove to? Bloomingdale's?
Dumb dog. I bought a dog whistle. He won’t use it.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
--Ogden Nash
I know that dogs are pack animals, but it is difficult to imagine a pack of standard poodles...and if there was such a thing as a pack of standard poodles, where would they rove to? Bloomingdale's?
--Yvonne Clifford, American actress
The great pleasure of a dog is that you make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, he will make a fool of himself too.
--Samuel Butler
A dog is like an eternal Peter Pan, a child who never grows old and who therefore is always available to love and be loved.
--Aaron Katcher, American Educator and Psychiatrist
Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.
--Corey Ford, American writer
Fifth Avenue is too expensive for anyone but dogs.
--Mel Finkelstein, Daily News
My dog can bark like a Congressman, fetch like an aide, beg like a press secretary, and play dead like a receptionist when the phone rings.
--Gerold Solomon, US Congressman
They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.
--Jerome K. Jerome, English humorist
Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative.
--Mordecai Siegal, Contemporary Writer
Being patted is what it is all about.
--Roger Caras.
The great pleasure of a dog is that you make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, he will make a fool of himself too.
--Samuel Butler
A dog is like an eternal Peter Pan, a child who never grows old and who therefore is always available to love and be loved.
--Aaron Katcher, American Educator and Psychiatrist
Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.
--Corey Ford, American writer
Fifth Avenue is too expensive for anyone but dogs.
--Mel Finkelstein, Daily News
My dog can bark like a Congressman, fetch like an aide, beg like a press secretary, and play dead like a receptionist when the phone rings.
--Gerold Solomon, US Congressman
They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.
--Jerome K. Jerome, English humorist
Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative.
--Mordecai Siegal, Contemporary Writer
Being patted is what it is all about.
--Roger Caras.
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