If you have to throw up, get into a chair, QUICKLY! If you can't manage that in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, any good rug will do.
ALWAYS accompany guests to the bathroom. It's not necessary to do anything; just sit and stare.
Do not allow closed doors in ANY room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and hammer with your forepaws.
When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled with food.
Once a door is opened, it's not necessary to use it. After you've ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and halfway out and think about several things. It's particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.
Begin people training early. You'll then have a smooth-running household. Humans need to know the basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.
Why Dogs Don't Use Computers
Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
Fetch command not available on all platforms. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail." Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing
Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
'Cause dogs aren't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand ...
SmellYou-SmellMe still in beta test.
SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
Too Darn Hard To Type With Paws
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